Chosen Love
by Giu7ia
Summary: Oneshot. Shusei likes and cares for Yuki, but he can't help envying the boy. His unrequited love for Hotsuma is wearing him out, and who understands him better than Luka?


**Note:** Oneshot. Since today is 5th January, I'd like to wish our melancholic yet beautiful _Cold Prince,_ Usui Shusei, a happy birthday! ** _  
_**Please enjoy this story~

 **Warning** :BoyxBoy

 **Disclaimer:** For the characters' joy, I don't own them or this manga/anime. The original story belongs to Hotaru Odagiri.

* * *

 _ **Chosen Love**_

Under Takashiro's order, a party was throw at the Twilight Mansion.

That evening, everyone had to be present and _enjoy_ the night together. They were all well-dressed, not because there was any special guest or event, but no one could oppose the girls when they _wanted_ something, especially if it had anything to do with clothes.

 _"Oh come on! Let's all dress up nicely!' proposed, or rather, commanded Touko._

 _"That's right! We don't get to be all together that often, and at a party nonetheless!" and of course Ria followed._

The boys were all pretty much against it, but after the girls pleas convinced Yuki, it was useless to even try to object, after all who could say _no_ to Yuki?

Even if with much agitation and stress, that evening was enjoyable. They all had dinner at a buffet and they were now chatting.

The whole ground floor had been prepared for this occasion. The enormous table which served the dinner had been Yuki's idea, so that everyone could eat as much as they wanted and chat with everyone else instead with only the few people who were near your seat.

"That seems a bit distant…" was God's Light comment, and then he suggested the buffet thing, which much to his joy, had been a success.

Shusei ate, he ate a lot. How could he not when Hotsuma was literally shoving food in his mouth? And not only him, Tsukumo also kept on putting food on Shusei's plate, "This is delicious, you should eat it." or "You like this flavor, don't you?" or "Here Shusei, I kept this for you so eat it later, ok?" were Tsukumo's sweet and caring words which the older boy just didn't have the heart to refuse.

Shusei was talking with Takashiro until just a moment ago, before the man had to chat about something with the doctor. He heard a louder noise, and looked at its source: it was Hotsuma with Yuki, Touko and Kuroto.

They were quite noisy in comparison to the rest of the room, but no one minded, after all they were the _energetic_ characters, maybe leaving Yuki aside.

«So lively…» thought Shusei as he sighed.

«But really…» he reopened his eyes and looked at the group, this time focusing his gaze on a _certain_ person…

«Hotsuma really made friends, huh? It's nice that…he dons't have only me…» the reflection on his sad eyes were not of a lonely man who needed him, but of someone who had other people he held dear who cared about him.

Shusei closed his eyes again, his time for a while longer, as if he didn't want to look at what was in front of him.

"Shusei." a voice called out to him, and when Shusei looked behind him, he saw Tsukumo. The boy was holding two elegant glasses.

"Takashiro-sama asked me to give this to you." and he handed over the drink to the other.

"Thank you, Tsukumo. But, isn't this alcoholic? Is it fine for us to drink it?" calmly asked Shusei after smelling the sweet fragrance of the drink.

They were underage after all, but Shusei was aware that Takashiro _knew_ what he was doing.

"It's fine. He said that one glass wouldn't hurt, and besides none of us has anything scheduled for tomorrow. And he also said that it's not a party without a bottle of good wine." answered Tsukumo happily, which also made Shusei smile.

"Alright, thank you. Well then, if you'll excuse me…" Shusei said as was about to leave, when he walked past Tsukumo, the younger boy stopped him by grabbing his right hand's sleeve.

This surprised Shusei but his left hand was holding onto the glass tightly so not a drop of the drink was spilt.

"What is it Tsukumo?" Shusei turned around and questioned the boy.

" _Shusei_!" he spoke a bit louder than usual, nothing near the level of Touko or Hotsuma, but it was still unusual for the quiet Tsukumo to rise his voice, even for a tan only.

"Shusei…are you alright?" Tsukumo's golden eyes looked at Shusei's similar ones. His eyes showed concern, worry and sadness, but his gaze was a strong one nonetheless, one that wanted an answer.

Shusei smiled at his comrade, "I'm fine. Thank you for always worrying about me, Tsukumo." The brunette brought his glass nearer Tsukumo's and the two collided, emitting a small and high-pitched sound.

Shusei smiled to reassure the other, "Cheers." and like that, he left.

He could heard Tsukumo's whispered "Shusei…" , and he knew that his smile didn't deceive the other, not when the other party was Tsukumo.

He _knew_ , but he didn't want to worry the other with problems that regarded only him, problems that were his and he only could deal with.

«How can I be so selfish…» thought Shusei bitterly, and gulped the whole drink in one go.

Luka was leaning against the window, looking at the night sky. His arms were crossed but in his left hand he was holding a glass of champagne which Senshiro earlier offered him.

He took a sip, but he didn't particularly like the taste of the drink, not that he hated it, it was just like any other drink, nothing special to him.

He wanted to spend some time with Yuki but the boy seemed to enjoy the others' company, so Luka thought better of it.

"Good evening, Luka." a voice called out to him, a cool and somehow sad _voice_ …

"Shusei…"

The newcomer joined the duras, leaning against the window as well as his face touched the transparent surface and his eyes were shut close.

Luka didn't interact much with the zweilts, and surely not with the quiet Shusei, but he could tell that this wasn't like _him._

Shusei suddenly opened his eyes and stood straight, without the window's support "Hey Luka, can I have that?"

Shusei's finger pointed at his direction, he followed it and it leaded to the drink he was holding "This? You can have it, if you don't mind that I already drank a bit of it." said Luka and handed his drink to the other.

He also noticed that the human was already holding another glass, meaning this was not his first drink.

"It's fine, I don't mind." Shusei took the glass and emptied it in one gulp.

He gave the two empty glasses to Tooma, who was passing with a tray to get the empty glasses.

Then, Shusei was back to the position he was in earlier, his arms crossed and his head against the window, thought this time his eyes were open, they appeared to look outside, but if looked at more carefully, one could tell that they weren't focused on anything.

"So, what happened?" Luka didn't understand humans well, let alone Shusei, but he could tell that the zweilt was behaving strangely.

"Yuki's so lucky…" answered absentmindedly Shusei.

"Why do you say that?" asked the dark haired demon, since he could't understand where that was coming from.

"Luka…you remember that in the past life I was a woman?" questioned Shusei. And to his odd question, Luka nodded signaling that he was listening and that he remembered.

"Hotsuma, he…we used to be lovers. They even tried to make us have children, that was just a case, but we were even married in the past life. A relationship between a couple of Zweilts is difficult, but pretty much…they're like lovers. I think Hotsuma still holds me dear, but be doesn't love _me_ the way he used to. It's probably because we're both males now, that must bothers him a lot…"

Shusei stopped for a moment, and somehow his eyes looked even _sadder._

"To tell the truth I prefer this body...I don't regret being reborn as a man, but if this is the price I have to pay…" Shusei was truly becoming more and more depressed.

"Male or female. That doesn't matter." Luka commented, offering his opinion about the topic.

"That's right, Yuki was a girl too. Doesn't Yuki's gender bother you at all, Luka?"

"No. I still love Yuki, all I need is for him to love me back."

Shusei stared speechless at the other,, but then he smiled, a bitter and pained _smile_.

"That's why I said that Yuki's lucky, he has you after all. You don't let things like gender bother you, you love Yuki and I bet he loves you back, maybe he's a bit too innocent to understand that your love for him is deeper than what he thinks, but eventually he'll understand. Hotsuma on the other hand…the loves me, I know that. But being loved as family member, a comrade or a friend...that's not what I want, but I could't tell him that, I still can't…" Shusei arms tightened around his body, as if he was covering himself from the cold.

«…» Luka never saw such a fragile side of Shusei, and this sight bothered him. "That's what makes you so insecure about you and him?"

"Hotsuma used to rely on me, during those moments I felt that I was needed. Though our lives are dedicated to protect Yuki, I can't live without Hotsuma…but now he doesn't need me anymore. He made many friends, and more than everything else, he finally got to get along with Yuki, the _light_ he always yearned for. I know that it's not right towards him, but…I want him to look at me only, I want to be needed by him. I know that it's selfish of me, I know that it's something cruel to ask for…and that's why he must never know of these _feelings_. I'm such a horrible person…"

Pain, sadness and regret were painted all over Shusei's face. The usual stoic and expressionless face was now the incarnation of pure _sorrow_ …

"Shusei…" Luka was trying to comfort the human, though he didn't know which words the other needed most to hear, he just spoke what was on his mind, hoping to not open the other's wound even wider.

"That's not true. You say that, but numberless times you stepped down, leaving your place to others, didn't you? Like that rainy day before you disappeared, you let Yuki heal the scar in that idiot's heart, knowing that by doing so you would lose a part of _him_. You handed him over when you thought that others could do a better job than you, you did it many times, and even _I_ know about it. Aren't you here because you don't want to bother him while he's with the others?" Luka's quite long speech took Shusei aback, and even Luka himself was slightly surprised. He never spoke so much, if not with Yuki.

The brunette, after composing himself back from the small shock, smiled "Yes, you're right. And you understand it so well because you fell the same, don't you? ' _As long as he's happy, it's fine even if it's not me_.' You must feel the same way. We both just wish to stand by their sides, yearning for their love and wishing for their happiness. That's quite a bitter fate, but after all…it's the one we _chose_."

Luka could only agree with what the other said. They both enjoyed themselves in a comfortable silence, until Shusei spoke again.

"You know Luka, I always admired you for never giving up on Yuki. You had all kind of adversities against you, but you never let go of him. He's the only one without a partner, and even though everyone loves him, I bet he's glad that he has you. I really like Yuki as well, but I can't help being jealous of all the love he receives. I know that he has gone trough a lot, and I too think that no one deserves to be loved more than him, but if only…If only I could receive as much love as well…if only Hotsuma loved me back…even half of it could he enough for me…"

Shusei's voice became raw, as if he was on the verge of crying. He closed his eyes and leaned even closer to the window, holding himself tighter and tighter, as if the was building a shell around himself.

Luka's pale hand found its way to Shusei's cheek, his long fingers brushed away some hair from the other's eye. "Hey…" Luka voice was gentle and understanding, a tone that until now _only_ Yuki knew of.

Luka's hand was cold and the contact with Shusei's skin made the boy shiver for a second. And after the small surprise, Shusei welcomed the gesture, he leaned into Luka's palm.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the cool contact, then he opened his eyes and smiled, one that hided a hint of sadness, but was a true smile nonetheless.

"Really, Yuki's so lucky to have you… I'm envious."

In that moment both felt that they became extremely closer, that no one understood them better and that talking about the burden they were carrying made it lighter.

They made the same decision which leaded them to the same _fate_ , and they knew that walking that path would be not easy, not when their respective partners were Yuki and Hotsuma…but from now on they knew that if it gets harder to bear, they could count on each other.

* * *

 **Omake**

The next morning Shusei woke up early, as usual, and decided to go for a walk.

He wandered for a while, and when he finally got back, the sun was already high in the sky.

As he opened the door to the mansion, he could hear the lively voices of the other residents.

«I guess everyone's up.»

He walked to their dining-room, where breakfast was being served.

"Good morning, everyone."

But before anyone could greet him back, Hotsuma's loud voice came in first "Ah Shusei! Where did you go? When I woke up you were gone!"

Shusei grimaced at his partner's sudden shout.

"I just went for a walk." was his almost tired reply as he sat down on his seat.

As he sat down, his eyes met with Luka's, who was standing against the wall, right next to Yuki. The two of them exchanged a brief nod in greeting.

"Well, that aside, we have an _important_ matter to discuss, right Yuki?"

Hotsuma quickly turned his head towards Yuki, to ask confirmation from the boy.

Yuki smiled nervously, not really agreeing but not disagreeing either.

"So!" continued Hotsuma as he slammed his fist int the table.

"What happened last night?"

By now the whole room was silent, everyone was focusing their attention on them.

Shusei didn't quite get what the other meant, so he raised an eyebrow in confusion "What do you mean _what_?"

Hotsuma gritted his teeth as his whole body trembled, then he finally raised his head.

"I'm talking about you and _him_! What happened yesterday? You two spent most of the evening together, what did you talk about? We asked him, but he won't say a word and Yuki don't want to force him either!"

His voice much louder as he stared right into Shusei's eyes and pointed an accusing finger in Luka's direction.

"Ha?" was all Shusei could manage to reply as a drop of sweat run down his cheek.

"What's the big deal? Besides, why must you ask this _now_?"

Shusei took a quick look at the table, and after seeing the look on the face of the others, he found the answer to his question himself.

« _Aah_ so they're all curious…»

Shusei sighed, "It was nothing, we just chatted a bit. If you wanted, you could have just joined us."

"That-" Hostuma started say something in protest but ended up mumbling something by himself.

"Well, how to say it…there was this _atmosphere_ around you two, making it very difficult to approach you." was Yuki explanation as he smiled apologetically.

"Come on Shusei, just tell us!" Hotsuma seemed to have lost that bit of patience that he had.

"Shusei…"

Hearing his name called, Shusei turned towards Tsukumo. "Yes?"

"I…" his voice was barely a whisper, but loud enough for Shusei to hear "I also want to know…"

That was Tsukumo's ultimate _attack_ : sweet pleading voice and puppy eyes.

No one can resist him, and normally even Shusei would surrender, but _not_ this time.

"What happened yesterday…" started the zweilt, he spoke quietly but quickly got everyone's attention.

"What I and Luka talked about…" by now everyone was staring at him, gulping hard in anticipation.

"That…" Shusei let his voice fade in suspense…

"..it's a _secret_."

As he said so, he brought his his index finger to his lips, smiling teasingly.

After a few moments of silence, utter chaos fell on the table as a big uproar started. Some complained in protest, some squealed and some commented between themselves.

And in the middle of all that commotion, Shusei and Luka exchanged a _knowing_ smile.

* * *

Thank you very much for reading.  
Whether positive or negative, please do review.  
Ciao Ciao~ \\(´￢｀)ﾉ


End file.
